i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
