She said her name was "party"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
