Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I could make wine with my vomit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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