I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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