Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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