Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
