someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
