Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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