He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
