I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
