i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
