i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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