thus making me awesome and them whores
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
