Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
