Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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