Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
