A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
