Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
