You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
