His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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