dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
