why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Too much gin, very little bucket
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
