dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
