When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
