Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
