if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
