In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
