i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
