so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
