I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
