in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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