he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The struggles of a small town man whore
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
