we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
