Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize