He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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