I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
