You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
