There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
