Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize