Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
