Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
