i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
