there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
