I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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