told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
