i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
