a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize