as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
