I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
