This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
