I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
