One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
