The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
