Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..

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(845): View more from New York

Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?

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(905): View more from Toronto

when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college

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(815): View more from Illinois

$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.

(212): View more from New York

Please take video.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.

(309): View more from Illinois

Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?

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(708): View more from Illinois

Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.

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(425): View more from Washington

My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"

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