I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
meet me or not, i'm out of control
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize