Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
