I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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