3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize