Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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