Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
