I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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