It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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