i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
