We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
