Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
