Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
