my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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