You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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