i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just pee around me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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