your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
