ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
