I met the friendliest cop last night
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
