so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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