careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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