my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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