When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
