He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so much tequila, so little girl.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
