Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sarcasm needs its own font
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
